she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
