Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
