good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
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