So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
40s are totally the cure
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
