Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Still dying that you shit outside
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Randomize
