when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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