you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
