I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
