pedialite and red bull = repair kit
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
