It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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