haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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