Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Randomize
