from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
