That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
