Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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