he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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