I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
