i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
