Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
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