Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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