Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
