I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
