You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
