shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I have aggressive nipples.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
