So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
