after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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