He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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