i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
