Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
