I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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