Need sex. Gaining weight.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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