your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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