I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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