Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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