Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
