i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
