he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
