Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
