you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
