Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
