based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
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