i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
