she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
