I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
