I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
