Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
