his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Threesome in a minivan. New low
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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