i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
