uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
