so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
